what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
