Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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