"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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