See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
