He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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