My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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