By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize