I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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