1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
