does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
