At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
