You're my little dorito
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Randomize
