Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
