You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
