Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
