sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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