I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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