If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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