Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
