the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize