Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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