I'll bet she douches with gravy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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