what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
