so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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