Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
