Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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