I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
