I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
