I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I want to have your abortion
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
