The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
