Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
