I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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