LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
