No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
