So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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