see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize