Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
