All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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