i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
