i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
