it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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