Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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