Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
