Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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