Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
