i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you made out with another girl for some wings
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
