Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize