so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
