i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize