My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
