But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
