I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to have your abortion
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
