Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
