I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
