Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
