I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize