Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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