I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
