I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
