Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
