My pussy is not your playground.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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