i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
