I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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