so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
