So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
