I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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