he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
