Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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